Do you remember being young and angry?
I can recall a distinct period of my life where I was lost, bitter, dazed and confused. I didn't know where life would take me. I didn't know where I would be attending college, where I would work which friends would stay by my side, who I would marry, if I would ever have kids, find inner peace, be happy for long periods of time. I just didn't know. That sometimes pissed me off. And that anger would reveal itself in long stories, endless conversations and occasional staring off in the distance.
It's hard to recall those days now, but I do. I recall them now as I sit sipping coffee, typing on my laptop in my comfortable house with my little boy looking up at me. I haven't figured it all out but I figured the most important thing out. Inner peace comes from within and you only get that as you get older. Why couldn't they have told me this when I was younger?
I think about my life. It's pretty damn good. I look at my son and daughter, revel in the fact that as much as they make me want to pull my hair out some days, in the quiet moments right after they go to bed I sit back and realize that there were so many joys I shared with them that day that should not be overlooked.
All those things I worried about when I was younger, all those paths I was searching for, somehow carved themselves out. With a little help from me and a little help from those around me, my life has taken shape. Why was I so angry? Why was I so lost? Why couldn't I have seen that the little things really were little and that only when you stand back and look at the big picture does that documentary of your life come together?
If my children have taught me nothing else, they have taught me two very important things. And it is these two critical lessons that have lessened my anger, confusion and doubt.
The first lesson is to just laugh. When you are 3 and 7, a lot of things are just damn hilarious. Why should that ever change? Spend enough time laughing with whoever is around you, about whatever you want, and things become much less daunting.
The second lesson my children have taught me is that since they are a continuation of a circle of life, that life will one day end. It is in some ways a somber reminder, but put a positive spin on it and it is a reminder to live every day to the fullest.
Now, I am not naive. There are days when something sad will happen and just take over. There are times when we are busy, tired, sick, overwhelmed, momentarily so angry you could just scream. So scream, then laugh about it. Life is too short.
I remember being young and angry. I am older and wiser now. I still have a lot to learn, I always will. I just go about it differently now.